Per my last email

Hey, so I’m just writing back to you to let you know that while re-reading my last email, I noticed that I used some wording that might give you the impression that I was upset with you, and that’s simply not the case. Language is really subjective, and it can be difficult to convey a specific tone through only text. So, while some of the words might be considered “emotionally charged” or “rude,” I can assure you that the way I would’ve delivered them in person would convey the lighthearted nature of them.

Which brings me to my next point, regarding when you poked your head into my office to follow up on our communication. No, the vein in my forehead is that prominent and pulsing all the time, but it was nice to know that you haven’t noticed before. Oh, and I’ve been meaning to reupholster the armrests of my office chair for months now, and I thought that would be as good of time as any to rip off the polyurethane foam. Turns out, it’s actually stuck on there pretty good, which would explain my gritted teeth and intense glower. And the profanity I muttered during that wasn’t directed at you at all, no, my TMJ was flaring up from how hard was gritting my teeth, again, because of the polyurethane foam, not because of our interaction.

You know, I’ve always considered us to be more than just colleagues; something akin to friends, really. I’m quite fond of a good-natured practical joke between friends, but it light of all this confusion between us I just want to get out in front of this: When you go out to the parking lot, if you notice anything unusual about your car, that’s just the good-natured practical joke I referenced previously. All in good fun I promise, though I can sometimes go a bit overboard!

All this to say, I’m not mad at all, I’m actually quite amused right now, and I look forward to sharing a laugh with you about this big misunderstanding.