The Future is Cancelled

We regret to inform you that, in light of recent events, the future has been cancelled.

As of this morning the assembly lines have been stopped and the visionaries sent home. The lights have been turned off at the great Imaginarium, where the dream recorders etch the ideas of only the most creative peoples onto enormous spools of microfiche. The genetic tailors have been locked out of their labs and will not be able to give us a lifetime of healthy youth nor chicken-cow hybrids for the biggest tenders you’ve ever seen. There will be no flying cars, no men on Mars, no life beyond the stars.

This is not bad news, simply a change of plans. It’s been unanimously decided that rather than ushering in the future as previously anticipated, we will begin a glorious new era of the present! Note that, unless directed otherwise, things will continue to be the same as they are now.